I apologize in advance for the lengthiness of this blog but I have been doing a lot of soul searching, contemplating, learning, and thought that my blog would be a great place to share these discoveries.
First off, I have been down here for almost a month and despite the cool, nonchalant air that I know what I am doing, I don't. This is my first time away from home. Imagine being dropped off in a city knowing only where you are supposed to work with a little bit of money to tie you over till pay day. I had no connections and knew no one. It was to say the least.... frightening; however, despite the overwhelming initial terror I began meeting people, making friends, and testing my limits and see where trying new things would take me.
Secondly, as I briefly mentioned in one of my earlier blogs working down here is completely different than back home. At the hospital I knew the ins and outs of the kitchen, I was the go to person for anything and everything. Now I have to learn every job in this kitchen in a month, working 50 hours a week, plus 4 classes, homework, family, friends, roomates, love, loss, drama, and life as we know it continues to go on. I came to this very simple but incredibly true realization today after working on the line and starring into the flames. No matter what happens, life will continue to keep occuring around you. Despite all the confusion, fear, dilemas, I still managed to get up in the morning to go to work. I'm not a chef because I have to be its because I want to be. But in addition I wear the clothes and when I walk into the kitchen I have to be ready to throw down, be tough, put on a smile even if I'm having a bad day, the kitchen is relentless and the guest don't stop being hungry just because your not feeling well or having a rough time.
The toughest lesson that I have had to learn thus far is separating who you are at work from who you are at work. At home, I am friendly, relaxed, loving, warm, spontaneous, fun, and independent. At work its like I become a completely different person. It is the survival of the fitest and I have already started at the bottom of the food chain. I am the youngest, one of 3 girls, new, and working here as intern; needless to say, the cards were not dealt in my favor. Therefore, I've had to fight and work extremely hard in order to accomplish anything. The boys in the kitchen are very harsh and use cruel language, the servers are incessantly demanding and impatient, and the orders never stop whizzing past your head. I did a lot of growing up in the first couple of weeks of working here. And it was only today that I discovered how much of my work that I had been bringing home with me. At work I have to stay completely organized, there is no room for error; I never realized that the intense need to stay organized at work would follow me home but it did. And like an angry nightmare it attacked my sweet home life and turned everything topsy turvy. Of all the learning that I have done down here, this was not something I was proud of. It took nearly a week of sleepless nights, 50 hour work week, 2x 10 page papers, and a cold cruel look into the mirror to realize what was happening to me.
Now that I know what has changed I've learned how to fix it. I am happy to call those boys who tested every inch of my limits my comrades in arms. I don't talk about work at home, unless it is positive. And I'm closer to that independent, home town girl that I was when I left little old Novi, Mi. I'm slowly working on improving my outlook and leading each day with a sense of adventure and chance; I don't worry if I don't have every little detailed planned out because where is the excitement in knowing everything =)
Not for a second have I regretted coming down here. It has been tougher than I could ever imagined but I look forward to whatever challenges the good lord happens to send my way. I know now that sometimes things will be hard to deal with, but behind every cloud there is sunshine and when you smile you share a little bit of sunshine with the world.
My friend Sally at work was one of my angels in disguise the other day and shared that gem with me. The best blessing in disguise was my co-worker whose name is actually Angel. I was having a rough day, struggling with alot on my mind and the only reason I had made it to work was because I needed a break from the thoughts in my head. Angel came up to me and said " Mami I haven't seen your smile all day, its making me sad. You know what I'm going to do, I am going to try and make you smile. And I wont stop until you do." So we went to lunch and I was going to get something to drink and he asked me if I could get him something. I asked him what he wanted and he said four turtles ( Angel is from Venezuela and has a very thick accent). He repeated this, waved his hands in the air, spoke slowly and I still had no idea what he wanted. Finally he told my friend Rubin in Spanish, and Rubin said he wants a full throttle. Needless to say I have never laughed so hard, it took nothing more than Angel being himself to make me realize that dwelling on one's unhappiness solves nothing and only makes problems loom over us like a growing darkness. I've decided I'm done living with pretentions and I'm working on become that happy, fearless, independent crusader that I know my friends and family have sorely missed while I was earning my sea legs ( or at Disney earning my ears). Remember, it is only after we get lost that we truly figure out how to find ourselves. And after losing my identity, losing my mind, a couple a friendships, time.... I learned this valuable lesson. And that concludes my soul searching for the evening. I have to be up at 4:30 for the opening shift yay =) c'est la vie
peace,
Ally
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